Dad's In Charge

Publication: The Miami Herald
By: Cindy Krishner-Goodman
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Today's dads are more involved with their kids' lives, this we know. But there's more going on.
A sharp rise in equitable-divorce parenting setups has more fathers doing a juggling act. While custody setups in the past had children living with one parent and visiting the other on weekends, now the trend is toward shared parenting arrangements with kids splitting their living time between Mom and Dad.

Conquering the time- management challenge for these fathers takes serious negotiations and often, changes at work. As Father's Day approaches, I spoke with some divorced dads who balance the consuming demands of earning a paycheck with child care in an era in which Dad still is supposed to put his job first.

They are testing their employer's family-friendly policies, creating their own flexible arrangements and dealing with the emergencies that crop up with children.
''There used to be a presumption against joint custody, but the reality today is more and more fathers are wanting and getting it,'' said Robert Merlin, a Coral Gables family lawyer. ``That may mean they have to change the way they live their lives.''

One Miami father has done just that. Bradley Arnowitz's twin daughters are toddlers, the age when child-care issues often interrupt work schedules. Just a year ago, Arnowitz faced the working mom's nightmare -- a nanny crisis. When his nanny didn't show up one morning, Arnowitz resorted to bringing his girls with him to show a home to a potential buyer. ''Now I call them my deal closers,'' he says.

But Arnowitz knows he's fortunate. As a real estate agent who sets his own schedule, Arnowitz can zip home at lunchtime to pick his twins up from preschool or leave mid-afternoon to take them to gymnastics. He can lug the 2-year-olds along on a work appointment without repercussions to his advancement.

MAJOR CHANGES
Still, the 37-year-old Arnowitz says he has made major changes post-divorce, settling into a life in which his daughters are with him three days a week and every other weekend. To cope, he teamed up with his former competitor, gave up his side job as a spinning instructor and moved his real estate company's main office closer to his home in Aventura. He employs a full-time nanny to assure coverage for days when the girls are in his care.

''I have foregone income and made sacrifices personally and professionally, but I fought hard for this arrangement,'' says Arnowitz, principal of International Realty Trust Group. To be sure, divorced mothers make similar sacrifices and are three times as likely to have primary custody of children under 18. However, more than 1 million divorced fathers have children who live with them more than part time, and that number rises each year, according to Census figures.

PROMOTION SACRIFICED
But even in today's family-friendly workplaces, it can be tough for a dad who needs to pick a child up from after-school care by dinner time. One divorced dad told me he sacrificed a promotion because he leaves work at 5 p.m. two days a week to pick up his sons from school. Managers at his company, he says, are expected to work late.

About two out of five single fathers believe they will jeopardize job advancement by using flexible work arrangements, a 2002 survey by the Families and Work Institute shows. Men are less willing to take that risk, the survey shows.

David Sacks, chief of anesthesiology at Plantation General Hospital, says he tries to accommodate requests from divorced fathers who have their kids specific days of the week. He himself is a divorced father who shares custody of his two daughters with his ex- wife, Lisa.
Sacks says he has set up a support system that includes Lisa and a nanny/baby sitter who drives the girls to school on the mornings they are with him and he starts work at 7 a.m. While it can be challenging blending schedules with his job and his ex-wife, Sacks says shared custody pays off.

''I feel like I'm a major player in bringing up my kids versus an observer,'' he says.
David Levy, CEO of Children's Rights Council, says most states, including Florida, now encourage shared parenting. ``There is evidence that kids tend to have better relationships with both parents, are less involved in crime and drugs, finish high school and go on to college.''
Now, the burden of bringing workplaces up-to-date seems to rest on dads themselves. So far, Arnowitz, clients and staff are understanding: ``I can be at the park with my BlackBerry and my Bluetooth. I can make it work, because in the end, it's all about the kids.''

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